How many of you have that ”one” person?
• That person in front of whom you can completely be yourself
• To whom you can always turn for support, and they are always there
• Who never judges
• Who knows your deepest darkest secrets
• Who always sees your true value/beauty, even on your bad days
Often that person is a best friend, a partner, or even a parent.
The truth is, many of us might not even have that “one” person. Why? Because we don’t feel comfortable enough with ourselves to allow ourselves to be completely authentic in front of others. We often wear masks in front of people, or present ourselves in a way that we feel is more acceptable to others.
Have you ever considered being your own “one” person? Wait, what, you say? But I’m already my own “one” person! I know all my secrets and thoughts.; myself automatically has to accept me! I’m my default “one” person!
Let me clarify: I want you to be the other person in this relationship. I want you to be the One that accepts all of you, the One who loves you unconditionally. The One with whom you don’t feel ashamed to be around. The One to whom you can speak your truth with complete ease. The One who has no judgment.
“Why is it important to be that “One” person to myself?,” you may ask. Because by doing this, you are creating a cycle:
• When you begin to love yourself unconditionally, you allow yourself to be more authentic around others.
• When you are more authentic around others, you attract those who match your feelings, beliefs, and behaviors.
• You end up finding your tribe. You will feel increasingly validated and connected by like-minded people, and feel less the need to present yourself in a different way.
• When you do this, you get confirmation that you are a love-worthy being, and will love yourself even more.
And the cycle keeps going.
So, how do you get to be your own “The One”? Let’s explore 3 aspects of self-love that can help you become your “One” person: self worth, self care, and self compassion.
Self Worth
When you think about the people you choose to love, do you ask yourself why you chose those people? The simple answer is that they bring you value. Not necessarily a functional value, like a job. These people add warmth, beauty, joy, and laughter into your life. These are intangible values, ones that you couldn’t pay someone for. Ones that you wouldn’t want to pay someone for.
Increasing your self-worth is about finding those values within. When you think about the tangible things that you contribute to others, you are seeing yourself as a human-doing, not a human-being. You forget your character, your color, what makes you interesting. To get started on finding your self-worth, write down 3 things that make you interesting/valuable. If you’re not sure, ask someone who knows you well.
Self Care
How about what you do for those you love? How do you show that you love people? Often, this is by the act of caring for them. This could mean different things for different people. It could be nurturing, or saying the right things, or helping them when they are down.
In order to love yourself, you have to implement self-care. Doing things that are good for your own wellbeing, nurturing yourself. You know best what helps you when you are stressed (take a nap, watch a good movie, go for a massage). So, to implement self care is simply to make time to do those things. Now, write down one enjoyable activity that you used to do all the time before you became busy.
Self-Compassion
When you expose your vulnerabilities to those you love, the ones that truly love you back will show you compassion. They won’t judge you for your shortcomings or mistakes. They are kind to you when you most need kindness. Do you show that same compassion to yourself? If they say something intentionally hurtful or mean, we distance ourselves from them.
We pat ourselves on the back when we’ve done well, but when we are most vulnerable, we are disapproving and judgmental, cruel even. We show no compassion for our own mistakes or shortcomings. Yet this is the time when it is most crucial to be kind to ourselves. To get started on cultivating your self-compassion, take a regular self-critical statement, and think about what you would say to your loved one if he/she said the same thing about him/herself to you.
Now you know why it is important to love yourself and you’ve been given suggestions on how to do it. Not only will it improve your life, but it will improve the lives of those close to you and those who will become close to you in the future.
