Why is it that we are not taught that loving ourselves is essential, that it can fulfill our lives so much more than just relying on receiving love from other people? Now, get your mind out of the gutter, or you can keep it there if that’s how this blog will best serve you. Why do we feel we have to regularly show/prove to others that we love them, but we don’t expect the same of ourselves? Do we truly believe that we can run solely on the energy that is given from others? Do we believe that loving others comes before loving ourselves?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you don’t need other people. Let’s look at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs; this is a concept Abraham Maslow created to explain what needs humans are motivated to fulfil, and how our growth requires different levels of needs. Maslow found that Love and Belonging are third in our hierarchy of needs. We do need to feel like we belong, we matter to others, that we can connect. And receiving love from others confirms those things for us.
However, if you notice, the top two levels of the hierarchy are Esteem, and Self-actualization. 
These two factors about how you see yourself. Having esteem helps us appreciate and value ourselves. It reminds us that we have the right to be loved by others. Self actualization goes deeper, it’s acknowledging that “I, just the way I am, have a specific purpose/reason for my existence.” It is about realizing our full potential and feeling confident in providing our unique contributions to society.
It seems to me that we need to love ourselves to be able to love and be loved by others. So, here are my top three reasons why you should be your own valentine first.
- You are telling and showing others just how loveable you are.
- You are teaching others (friends, children, society) that it is important for them to love themselves as well.
- Your happiness is connected to your own thoughts/feelings/actions, not dependent on other peoples feelings for you.
It is integral to love yourself! It might be hard to understand what I mean by “love” so let me use some other verbs that are more tangible that show love. How about:
- praise
- treasure
- get excited about spending time with
- honor
- awe at
- look up to
- support
- accept
- worship
- respect
- value
- embrace
Shall I go on?
We should all do some, if not all of these things to ourselves, not just on Valentines Day, but everyday. Leaving it up to others to do all of these things for us can leave us in a very vulnerable place.
So, now that I’ve convinced you to go love yourself, go forth! Gift yourself your favourite flowers, or box of chocolates, or meal! At least when you receive them, you’ll know you’ll be satisfied with what you got!
