In my Master’s program I took a course in wellness. Before then, I kind of knew what wellness was; you know, health and wellness, spas, water springs, massages, stuff like that, but I really did not get a concept of wellness until taking this course.
I learned that wellness is all encompassing, that it is proactive, and that it requires effort. I learned that there was a dimension beyond health, that health was just the absence of illness; you could be in a state that is the opposite of illness! I thought of it as, when someone in casual conversation says to you, “Hey, how are you doing?” you can answer with, “not bad, or ok” or you can answer with, “good, (or even great!)” There’s a difference.
My own dance with wellness as a single woman was effortless because I had the most precious commodity; time. After getting married, moving to Toronto, and settling down, my dance with wellness oscillated. I learned that in marriage you generally did things that were best for everyone, not just you. Working, household chores, showing concern for others’ wellbeing; these things affected how much time and energy you spend on your own wellbeing. That said; it was nice to have a partner who was doing the same for you, so there was still a balance.
When I had children, all of the sudden my wellness started to feel more like a luxury than a necessity. I was still eating fairly healthy, getting in some physical activity, and maintaining leisure time, however my purpose and perspective had been transformed. Instead of focusing on how to maintain my wellbeing, I started focusing on how to juggle all of my demands, so that the well being of those who depend on me became my biggest priority. And while I was still making basic efforts to care for myself, the idea that I could be well; instead of just healthy became a lost in the flurry of learning to be a new mother.
While the first few years of managing a young family are still quite hazy to me; I believe the technical terms for it are “pregnancy brain” and “momnesia,” I do remember really feeling lost in learning to adjust to my new responsibilities as a mother. In that learning process caring for myself became lost in all of the demands that were competing for my precious time.
I know I rarely spent time doing things that were best for me, because I was still learning how to juggle my attention on the wonderful two new little people at the top of my inner circle. It felt strange at times, to have such an overwhelming love for my children to the point where I cannot imagine my life without them, and at the same time have to adapt to my new life in such major ways. Things I did regularly for my own wellbeing started falling by the wayside, including praying, seeing friends, reading a good book and sometimes if I’m honest even brushing my hair.
After feeling that I felt that I had lost a big part of myself when putting my career on hold, I decided to start looking for work again. If anyone wants to test his or her self-confidence, I suggest looking for a job; it’ll put your confidence through the wringer.
After sending out numerous cover letters and resumes, going to offices, trying to network (with tinges of desperation in my voice), and going to interviews for jobs and trying to become who they want, I realized that I was missing the whole point of why I wanted to go back into my profession. I wanted to help people be more well, yet, I was losing my connection to wellness in the process of looking for work. I had come to the point where I felt nothing was wrong, but nothing seemed right either.
I took a leap to come back on my wellness path in October of 2012 by attending a weekend workshop my cousin has been raving about for years. That weekend was like having Vicks for my spiritual passages, and helped me get right back on track with moving forward. Since then, my vision of my purpose and my sense of wellness has only been getting clearer.
I have incorporated manageable, regular practices that are keeping me on this track. Even with all the roles and responsibilities I’ve accumulated on my plate in the past 10 years (new geography, husband, house, children, business, to name a few) I enjoy everyday. Don’t get me wrong, I am still moving on this path, I still get frustrated and stressed. However, now I make decisions that are for my benefit as well as others. I’ve become reconnected with the message; “I’m no good to others if I’m no good to myself!”
What I am saying is, it is essential for us to find our answer when we have veered away from where we were before major life changes. When we find those answers we have to persistently work with them. Sometimes those answers are a jump start like I had, sometimes they are little changes (i.e. managing 8 hours of sleep, or countering negative self talk) that build momentum to forward movement.
Like I said before, wellness takes effort, but the rewards are so worth it! Being at peace and coming back with a witty comment (my personal favorite is “Did you bring your wallet?), when your child is having a temper tantrum because they want to buy a extra large chocolate bar at the grocery store, is much better than being curmudgeon and trying to drag your screaming child out of the store! You also might get a few chuckles from other parents, instead of gawks!
