As women, it is in us to give, to support, to nurture. The act of giving is a vital part of most women that we can’t turn off. When it comes to the topic of equality in the home, most of us wouldn’t drop our giving/nurturing roles completely. Rather, we’d like to share those roles. And this is fine as no one should have to give up being givers. However, do you consider how you give? Do you give with depletion or give with abundance?
How A Martyr Gives
When you give with depletion, you are giving like a martyr. This happens when you give to others before or without giving to yourself. The price you pay to give like a martyr is that you sacrifice what is best for you. The more you give, the less resources you have, and the less you can give in the future. You risk the chance of losing your capacity to function, your positive outlook, your well-being, and your self-worth. When you give this way, you end up giving with negativity and resentment. This is why we sometimes feel like tasks that we usually enjoy doing like putting our kids to bed, baking cupcakes for a charity event, or doing our due diligence at work feels like burdensome chores. If you continually do this, then you identify and value yourself based on how much you give to others, but this is not based on what makes you unique. And if you give until you are depleted, to the point that you can’t give anymore, then you risk seeing yourself and having others see you as worthless.
How A Goddess Gives
When you give with abundance, however, you give like a goddess. This happens when you first give to yourself, then give to others. In giving this way, you are not sacrificing anything, and often what you give to others is more generous, more valuable, and more considerate. Because when we give with abundance we have more good will, energy, compassion, and ability to give. And when you give like a goddess, you give with positive intention and joy. So that when you are asked if you would head the next book club meeting with friends, you happily accept, and look forward to the task. Your identity shines through the things you do. When you continually give this way, you see yourself and others see you as valuable and authentic.
How To Give Like A Goddess
So, how do we give to ourselves first? We need to start with the basics: proper sleep, a balanced diet, regular “off duty” time, and at least a couple of meaningful relationships. With the basics in place, you can give in balance; when you do more for yourself you can give with abundance. The “more” is up to you, but it should be what works best for you to replenish yourself. Is it regular girls nights/weekends, massages, exploring a hobby, giving up on high heels…?
We also give to ourselves by being selective in how we give. If the idea of doing something is not appealing to you (like volunteering to do bookkeeping for a non profit, helping your kids with their science homework, or becoming the workplace Christmas party organizer) then don’t take it on; let someone else to do it. We know best what we are good at and what we enjoy doing. Seek out opportunities that allow you to do those things.
Life is a gift and it is ours to share as we nurture and support those people and causes we care about. Take a good look at how you give and whom you give to. How does what you now know make you feel: depleted or fulfilled? Is it time to reformat your giving practices? The choice is yours. Who do you want to be: a martyr or a goddess?
