Recently, I watched a video with Elizabeth Gilbert where she talked about passion. Her take on it was quite interesting. For years she was a proponent of finding and following your own passion. She said that in the years that she had been preaching about sticking to your passion, she never acknowledged that some people just never found their passion…at least not until she received a message from an audience member saying that hearing Elizabeth speak made her awful about herself, because she hadn’t been able to find her passion.
For me, the word “passion” doesn’t sit well. I like to use the word “purpose” when I am talking to people who are looking for their “place in the world” or their “meaning in life”. When you are looking for where you belong, you examine not only what brings you joy, but also what purpose it serves. Passion without purpose is a great self-care practice. Purpose with passion is a life-calling.
The reason purpose is important is because if we live a life without purpose, our sense of identity, self-worth, and joy diminishes. We become human doings instead of human beings. Our relationships become transactional, not nurturing. That is not how we are meant to live.
But purpose without passion is a chore. When we do something from a place of joy, we are not only providing that function, but we are passing along positive energy to those we serve. If what you do does not bring joy to yourself, then when you are fulfilling it, you will be spreading negative energy. If that is so, it will eventually deter you from continuing, or deter others from going to you for it. For example, I have this friend who is a professional organizer. She recently came over to help me organize my kids’ bedroom. Everything she did, I knew how to do, and I could do it well. However I felt no pleasure in doing it. Because I did not enjoy it, it seldom got done, and the room got out of control. When I watched my friend do the work, she was in the zone, enjoying every minute of it. This is clearly one of her purposes and not one of mine!
With that said, the same argument that the viewer shared with Elizabeth Gilbert can be made with regard to “purpose”. If your purpose isn’t clear to you, it seems like a daunting task to find it. Don’t feel like you have to put all your eggs in one “purpose basket”. Purpose isn’t meant to be one huge service you can contribute to the world. Purpose is what and how you contribute to the world, the things you do to serve those around you that gives meaning to your life. It can be a combination of many things.
For example, I know of at least 5 purposes that I have: serving my clients, feeding the people I love, changing societal expectations of women, giving my children hugs and kisses, and being the friend with wit and sense of humor. I would say one of them — to serve today’s women in finding their path to wellbeing — is my main one. That is not to say that my other purposes are not valuable too; they just might not be serving as many people or might not be something that I’m better at doing than others.
Here are criteria to help you in finding your purpose:
1) Something you are good at doing
2) Something other people need
3) Something that you like doing – this could be your passion!
4) Something that compensates/benefits you in some way
The first one is self-explanatory: if you don’t do it well, then that can’t be your purpose, as it has to do with your functionality of it. The second criterion separates purpose from passion. It indicates that you are filling a requirement, a void in society that needs to be filled. The third and fourth criteria are important for us to consider when determining our own purpose. They are indicators that we are on the right track. As mentioned above, without the joy that comes with doing what you love, service becomes a chore, not an inspiration. The fourth criterion is also important. If we are not receiving anything for our service, we do not realize that what we do is of value. As we are a species that are socially connected, it is important for us to ensure that we receive feedback that our contributions are beneficial.
I encourage you to take some time and ask yourself: out of everything you do on a regular basis, how many of them meet all of the criteria mentioned above? They can be large or small acts of service. Once you find them, give them importance, wear them as your hats, and find more opportunities to meet others’ needs with your passions. Find someone else to do the other stuff, barter your functions if you can, and allow more people to shine in their calling!
